Hating Alzheimer’s Disease

Today I had my long overdue visit to see my Grandma. I put off going you see which is really terrible as my grandma has been such a positive influence on my life, in fact without my amazing grandparents I know I wouldn't be who I am today. So why the delay and why don't I go as often as I should? Alzheimer’s Disease and how it makes me feel when I go - rather selfish really.

See the thing is, she is in a lovely home but the visit to see her is just so sad. She has no idea who I am and talks like she's a young girl again and as if her parents and siblings are still alive, in fact sometimes she points them out to blank spaces in the room.  She doesn't like having her nails filed or her hair cut yet when she was without this horrible disease she was one of the smartest, well groomed women in the town.

So the whole time I spend, like now with tears streaming down my face - she doesn't see this or recognise my emotional state but out of nowhere she looks at me straight in the eye and says "I love you my bairn" something she always used to say even when I wasn't a 'bairn' anymore and I wonder 'does she really know who I am' - just maybe...I'd like to hope so.